I've Killed People Today!
Yes I have!
Don't worry however, Rob isn't off to prison just yet as it was by legal means! Hurrah!
For the first time in my deeply depressing life I worked behind the cigarette counter in Morrisons. This was an amazing experience as people from all walks of life (from the suit-wearing businessman to the Special Brew-drinking hobo) introduced me to the wide scope of cigarettes on offer. You see, unlike other means of death, smoking brings a huge selection of styles to die in. For instance...
If you're hit by a car: OUCH you're hit by a car, so what?
If you slit your wrists: BORING! you've slit your wrists.
With smoking you can die the Marlboro way, the Mayfair way, the B and H way and many other ways. You can die via kingsize cigs, superking cigs, cigars or rolling tobacco! So much choice!
So yeah, I've been helping to kill off the undesirables of society. The ones who are being driven from our pubs, restaurants and shopping centres. The ones who smell like tar and have green teeth. The ones who are more infertile than a BIG DEAD SPERM.
Before today I was completely oblivious to the prices of cigarettes. So I was stunned to see people come in and spend £100s on the things. It's just crazy. Don't do it kids, that's my advice for today.
My second piece of advice is don't put anything that belongs in a toilet in your mouth.
Here endeth the lesson.
For the first time in my deeply depressing life I worked behind the cigarette counter in Morrisons. This was an amazing experience as people from all walks of life (from the suit-wearing businessman to the Special Brew-drinking hobo) introduced me to the wide scope of cigarettes on offer. You see, unlike other means of death, smoking brings a huge selection of styles to die in. For instance...
If you're hit by a car: OUCH you're hit by a car, so what?
If you slit your wrists: BORING! you've slit your wrists.
With smoking you can die the Marlboro way, the Mayfair way, the B and H way and many other ways. You can die via kingsize cigs, superking cigs, cigars or rolling tobacco! So much choice!
So yeah, I've been helping to kill off the undesirables of society. The ones who are being driven from our pubs, restaurants and shopping centres. The ones who smell like tar and have green teeth. The ones who are more infertile than a BIG DEAD SPERM.
Before today I was completely oblivious to the prices of cigarettes. So I was stunned to see people come in and spend £100s on the things. It's just crazy. Don't do it kids, that's my advice for today.
My second piece of advice is don't put anything that belongs in a toilet in your mouth.
Here endeth the lesson.
posted by Rob @ 4:07 pm
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