20 Non-England Related Reasons To Watch The World Cup...

As we all know, the old English have been a tad shit so far at this world cup. But before we get down about the prospect of losing to the passionate Ecuadorians, I'd like to remind you (yes you!) of several other reasons why it's worth watching the World Cup, as England certainly isn't one of them...

1. Andrea Pirlo - Obviously knew of him before the tournament but WOW, he makes up for the lack of fitness in Totti by being able to pick out any Italian from anywhere between 3 to 50 yards. Also plays a killer throughball, let's hope the Italians don't go out this afternoon.

2. The underdog - Also known as the African sides, who have toiled away hopelessly and passionately without making it through the first stage. Other sides who may take up this mantle in the second round include Mexico.....and Ecuador.

3. Australia - Amazing comeback against the Japs, then a spirited but ultimately doomed performance against the Brazilians, these guys should be everyone's second fave team. Any team with Mark Viduka as captain deserves to be acclaimed.

4. Great TEAM play - Now, I for one love Joe Cole's stepovers but sides like the Argies and the Spanish have shown the others how to play team football in this tournament. Spain are full of flicks and tricks and despite not particularly aiding their attacking play, it looks damn fine. As for the Argies, well they've won the cup haven't they? Great team.

5. The Van Persie/Robben/Van Nistelrooy trio - The Dutch don't do things by halfs so when they mean business, and they always mean business, they use the 4-3-3! These guys have their fair share of haters but they can play great attacking football. I like watching them all together and they should add to what could be a great game against the Portuguese in the second round.

6. Shock Results - One of the greatest outcomes of any tournaments are the shock results. Stand up Ghana in particular for their defeat of the Kollerless Czechs and well done to the 9 man Yanks for holding the 10 man Italians. Compelling football.

7. Silly Sendings Off - In particular the ones that confuse and the ones that absolutely disgust. Daniele Di Rossi's, of Boro-bashed Roma fame, red card was a disgrace and was well spotted by the ref...who was stood three yards away. Elbowing doesn't pay people.

8. The Punditry of Gareth Southgate - He started off really stiff but has now relaxed into his role as ITV's newest co-commentator. The future leader of the Red Army also showed some wit when Rooney was subbed against Sweden, "Come in Wayne, your tea's ready". What a card.

9. Leonardo's spectacular accent - Displacing Mark Lawrenson(!) as the most attractive man on BBC Sport, Brazil's Leonardo combines amazing hair with a wonderous accent that has given every average man a new idol to aspire to, and every gay man a new bum to chase.

10. The Lawrenson/Motson combo - As infuriating as they are witty, these guys make for good TV. Listen out for the moments Motson makes a bad joke and Lawro can be heard just off the mic laughing his tits off. I love them.

11. Laugh at the French - Rubbish against Switzerland, lacked the confidence to kill off Korea, lets hope the OAPs in the French team do the right thing and just lose to Togo. That might make me laugh so hard I wee a bit.

12. Phillipe Lahm - A right back?? at left back?? Preposterous! Except when he scores the opening goal of the tournament with an absolute stunner. Also works his arse off down the left and provides much quality service for Klose, Podolski etc. Germany has a new hero. Also quite short.

13. Jurgen Klinsmann - What a disgrace that the German coach lives in Cali. However the Deutsche don't care now they look like worldbeaters. Just a shame they haven't played a GOOD team yet. I hope he comes on if they get to the final.

14. Ronaldinho's rubbish - Do you remember those brilliant things he did against Croatia and the Aussies? No. For all the flicks and tricks which make us marvel when we're watching Nike adverts, he looks a bit sheepish when playing with the big boys. Kaka fucking rocks though.

15. Fat Ronaldo - No further comment required.

16. Fabio Cannavaro - OK OK, I might be licking the Italian's balls a bit but for all the petulance (Mr Di Rossi again) in their side, they have a hell of a captain who plays with pride and passion every time he pulls on that blue shirt. He's all puffed-out chested honour, a real hero for the Italians. As you can tell, I love him.

17. The noticeable toning down of Ian Wright - After everyone's started moaning about him being a Sven hating kid, he seems to have calmed himself down and wants to be taken a touch more seriously. Watch him! He's so restrained all the time!

18. Great goals - Torres v Ukraine, Frings v Costa Rica, Joe Cole v Sweden, Cambiasso v Serbia and M to name just a few. There's been some corkers and there'll be even more to come. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the Korea goal against the French....stupid French.

19. The possibility of a re-run of Freddie Flintoff's sozzled cameo before the Paraguay game - Expect, when England hit the semis, our cricket captain to appear oncemore slurring his words and leaning on Steve Harmison. A personal highlight of mine from the competition and it only happened on its second day.

20. Steve Rider
I can't decide where he looks more out of place, presenting football or being on ITV. Marvel at his confusion!