More graffiti, balloons and new slang...

Yo yo, research done and here's more of the toilet graffiti in my workplace and my own personal reactions:

1. Why is everyone here gay? : why are you straight?

2. (name) is quere as you like: he may be gay, but you can't spell.

3. Twat: hmmm

4. (name) sucks cock for nasal spray: genius

5. Fuck Bob!: I couldn't blank the name on that one cos its just class

6. You're all fucking nobs who suck (name)'s cock and love it: this one was written twice, the first time the brainiac who wrote it ran out of space. Nonce.

7. Netto is mint: indeed

8. (name)'s lass is a hoare: as before, she may be, but you still can't spell.

So there you go. If you ever doubted the intelligence of the staff at one of your local supermarkets, you have a right to.

In other news, we had a balloon man in work today, making balloon animals for all the little kiddies. One of the first kids he came to was a baby at my till. He walked up and said, while rubbing his balloon (easy now) "oh would you like an animal?"

The girl cried, then howled, then screamed.

The situation was defused when the grandad of the child (he who was buying groceries) comforted her gave the balloon man the evil eye.

Apparently, the grandad had told Balloon Man that his granddaughter is petrified of balloons when the pair first entered the shop, but alas, the man ket tormenting them! What a bastard, kids entertainers are the new evil in our society.

I was also ignored by a member of my family at work today but never mind.

Also, I found foreign people pretending to be English! Yeah really! The BNP will have a fit. Today I served two fellas who bought items such as...Colmans 'English Mustard'....HP sauce and finally, crucially, a Michael Caine DVD boxset!

However, Jurgen and Josef, I saw through your ruse! When I say 'saw', I mean 'heard' as their accents proved they both were clearly not of this land! Usually you can tell the foreigners from their love of sauerkraut, Protocol vodka and nut cookies but these imitators have to watched, they may take over or....God forbid, get in government.

Obviously, with my work on the checkouts, I get a lot of time to think and consider life in all its forms. During todays thinking time I thought of a new slang word...a new word to make the kids stop using 'cool' or 'mint' or 'wank'....how about 'phallic'?

For those who don't know what it means:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallic

I feel it has positive qualities. Men like their cocks, girls like their cock, who loses? To me, it is a perfect word of positive description. Start today! Tell your little brothers and sisters the 'new slang' and get them to spread it on the playground. I want everything to just be phallic phallic phallic.

Note: I'm not homosexual.