Narnia is bollocks...READ WHY BELOW!

Good evening!

I don't know whether any of my 'loyal' readers have been checking this bad boy over the last couple of weeks but I do apologise if so, as I've not really kept it too well up to date. But here's a nice story and rant all neatly combined.

I went to The Lion, The Witch and the Mahogany Chest of Drawers the other day and I found it rather good. Just good though, nothing else.

I had a few issues with it you see, the main one being the religious undercurrent of the whole shindig. When I complained of this to my sister, she argued back that 'ah ha Rob, its bound to have some religion in it as CS Lewis was a theologist!'

SO FUCK. Right, being a theologist means studying God and stuff....it doesn't mean plagiarising half of the New Testament when writing a kiddy's book.

I'm not the most religious type in the world, but even I spotted that the plotline of a lead character dying for the sins of others, then having his body disappear and then be resurrected a little familiar. Bloody christians.

Also it got a little silly at the end, when all the kids in it were crowned as the monarchy of Narnia. Please note, there are spoilers in the next paragraph so if you really care, don't read it.

Each child got crowned and given a name. Here are what they were and why its a crock of shit:

1. Edmund the Just: Edmund was a fucking liar! AND the reason why Aslan died in the first place. Everything that goes wrong in the film is HIS fault. Other cultures would execute him, not call him 'just'.

2. Susan the Gentle: She carried a bow and arrow around half the time! AND shot a dwarf near the end...really fucking gentle. Dickheads.

3. Peter the Magnificent: Plummy accent, slightly camp and a tosser...three reasons why he's not magnificent.

4. Lucy the Valiant: She was a screaming girl all the way through and, like Peter, she started the whole mess off and left it to big bro to sort out. Stupid cow.

SO, as you can see the film is a pile of wank.

Still, good special effects though.