Today's 'Hilarious' Moment...

After going being checked out by a nurse practitioner (a cold virus, if you care), I bumped into two friends in the reception of the Uni Medical Centre today...

One said (in a hello kinda way): You alright Rob?

To which I hilariously replied: 'No that's why I'm in here!'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dixon wins.

Reactions to the Conversation....

For some bizarre reason, my argument on changing the entire system of time that we currently live by has hit a nerve with a few people.

For example, yesterday someone (my girlfriend I think) pointed out that isn't time measured by the amount of times the Earth turns and the amount of times that the world orbits the Sun?

Fuck that shit! I already pointed out how flimsy our time system was, so to defend it by blaming it on the Sun just backs me up. I don't particularly live my life by what the Sun tells me to do so why the fuck should anyone else?

Secondly, someone (Walton) mentioned the issue of it taking ages to get to Xmas. As you can imagine, I totally disagree with that being a problem too. Surely the importance and celebration of Xmas will be far more enjoyable when you've waited ages for it and under the new system, Xmas will also last longer!

So c'mon people, in the words of MJ let's make that change!

In other news, council workers are striking today. I don't care. But don't tell the people I'm interviewing on camera later.

Party on.

A Conversation Between A Man and An Alien....

Man: Hi extraterrestrial weird fella!

Alien: Hi dude, how's Earth today?

Man: Not too bad Alien! Do you wanna learn something about our world today?

Alien: Yes please, tell me about this thing called 'time', what is it?

Man: Well it's a measurement of how long things last. It's made up of seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years!

Alien: Cool! how does that work?

Man: That's what you're going to learn! Now let's see...how many seconds do you think are in a minute?

Alien: ....100?

Man: Nope, 60! Hard luck, how many minutes do you reckon are in an hour?

Alien: I know this! 60!

Man: YES! Well done, now how many hours do you think are in a day?

Alien: Easy! 60!

Man: Er...no, 24.

Alien: 24?

Man: Yup, how many days do u think are in a week?

Alien: Must be 24!

Man: 7.

Alien: 7? that makes no sense!

Man: Shut it Johnny foreigner, now then, how many days do you think are in a month?

Alien:.......24?

Man: Not quite, either 28, 30 or 31, or 29 in one month every four years!

Alien: What the fu....

Man: So how many months do you reckon are in a year?

Alien: Can we talk about something el....

Man: 12 of course! Stupid fool!

Alien: Fuck this shit, i'm off to a brothel.

Man: Don't forget to put your clock forward and back on random specific dates too!

Alien: Eat shit! (goes to brothel)


The Moral of this Tale
Our time-scale is rubbish! It's just a series of random numbers blatantly stuck together by some mad, drunk monk in the year 10BC or something! It makes no sense...and because of this I lost an hour of sleep yesterday when I was ill!

Let's get the time system metric...if we keep to hundreds, not only will days last longer (thus making us feel younger in the process), our way of living will be easy for all visitors from another planet to understand.

Either that or we should use star-dates like on Star Trek....coool!

Super Lee Cattermole!

Described by one national paper (can't remember which one though) as one of our 'first choice' midfielders, here's a shot of 17-year-old Lee Cattermole and 33-year-old Mark Schwarzer celebrating after destroying the Giallorossi in last night's officially 'famous' UEFA Cup win.

They were cheating foreigners while our boys were noble heroes. Proof if ever that, in a more and more disturbing world, the good will out!

Merry Christmas everyone!

PS. Look in the background! Mac's gonna tongue Mendieta! Aaahhh victory!

Things I didn't know this time last week....

• Costa Rica doesn't have an army, but does have Paolo Wanchope
• The world may end in 2880
• Middlesbrough can beat AS Roma
• Middlesbrough can't beat Charlton Athletic
• The complex Human Rights issues of Serbia and Montenegro
• How to work an autocue system
• The government in New Zealand is red...whatever that means
• There's a National Clown Week
• How to use a DVD recorder
• Alex Saich has a brother
• Brahma beer is potent stuff
• Fences can rip your finger open
• No Reply and I'll Follow the Sun are great Beatles songs
• Students at Lincoln Uni don't mind having a WOMAN president (damn liberal bastards)
• Which waiter at Pizza Hut is rubbish at providing the restaurant's refillable drinks service
• Lee Cattermole is from Stockton

My last week in handy bulletpoints!