Reflections on Maccarone ('s head)

Does his recent strike rate at vital moments mean that £8.15 million price tag has been paid off?

I think so. I can no longer criticise him.

It is not often you see a football match and a comeback like that happen twice. The very words that we're in the UEFA Cup final still sound bizarre but at least we're there! UEFA Cup finalists, and the main person to thank is Massimo again.

So of course, attention now turns to who we're playing in the final, Sevilla. It is interesting to note that my beloved Boro worked so hard to get into a European final to face a Spanish side including the football riches of Javier Saviola, Luis Fabiano and.......Freddie Kanoute.

This football, it's a funny old game.

Things I Like At The Moment...

1. The band Guillemots
2. The band Broken Social Scene
3. Middlesbrough Football Club
4. Lager
5. Pro Evolution Soccer 5
6. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's autobiography
7. Weblogs
8. Brandy
9. My myspace page (I officially have 13 friends, 7 of which are bands)
10. My girlfriend
11. Turkey and stuffing sandwiches
12. Female clothing in the summer
13. Seals
14. MSN and the realisation I don't know 60% of my contacts
15. My battered mobile phone with dot-matrix screen
16. Ebay
17. Mark Viduka
18. Lesbians (I always have time for lesbians)
19. Dr Pepper
20. Aiyegbeni Yakubu

Hair...

Today's post has a simple theme: look at the picture and then discuss.

On first glance, the main talking point may be why the hell was Bolo Zenden at the opening of a hair salon in Middlesbrough last month?

But no, the main talking point I find is why on earth is Massimo Maccarone there? He's clearly balder than I and would have little use for such facilities.

The intricate workings of the mind of a sub-standard Premiership striker....

Good old Dean Ashton,

I woke heartily this morning and walked to university with a spring in my step. No longer did I feel like my heart had been crushed into tiny pieces by West Ham's victory in the FA Cup semi-final. No, this morning I was a new man.

Until I read the inane ramblings which Mr Dean Ashton, Schwarzer killer-extraordinaire, had issued as an apology. He started well:

"The challenge with Schwarzer was just one of those things - I was going up to try to score a goal and was looking at the ball. Unfortunately, I have caught him — but these things happen."

So far so good, this seems a well balanced apology. Let's continue...

“I don’t blame myself and if it happened to me I would take it. It is very sad to see that he has injured himself badly."

WOAH THERE DEANO! You're supposed to be apologising you grade-A twat! Who is this guy anyway? He used to play for Crewe! I wipe my arse on Crewe! If I ever went to Crewe I'd piss on the high street! I don't even know where Crewe is?!

Mr Ashton, brains of Britain, hasn't acknowledged that Skippy didn't injure 'himself', but was injured by the pointless challenge that he did on Schwarz when he had a comfortable take on the ball! And what does he mean by "I'd take it"? I don't see Skippy complaining in the press about the challenge or anything so I think we can presume he has 'taken it'. Arsehole.

Granted, Ashton does end his statement with:

"I didn’t get a chance to speak to Mark after the game, (obviously, his face had caved in) I had a similar injury last season so I know it’s not nice. I apologise for that but there was no malice intended."

No malice? Does this mean he is admitting he injured Schwarzer now? Is he fucking retarded? And as for 'I had a similiar injury last season...', no he didn't. I doubt Mr Ashton will ever get an injury which could possibly rule him out of a World Cup, as he will never earn the right to play in one.

I didn't used to care much for discussing the 'talents' of Dean Ashton, but now I know talking sense isn't one of them.

Bring on Thursday.

Feeling Yourself Disintegrate....

What is it that darkens my day today?

Is it being knocked out of the FA Cup at its semi-final stage? Is it the terrible truth that we had chances to get back into the game? Or is it that Super Schwarzer is probably out for the rest of the season? You can make your mind up.

Only proper football fans will know the complete numbness I felt at full time. It's like having your soul ripped out. You don't play 50+ games in a season to not get anything, so I'm hoping all at the club make sure that they and the all the fans don't go through the same misery on Thursday.

They'll have the bit between their teeth now and we have to do better for the sakes of the club, the fans and....well, anyone else who cares.

In other news, I've finally started reading Jimmy's autobiog. I got through the first chapter last night, really interesting how he doesn't care for his father at all and how he'll never buy his daughter Nikes....get onto the football bits already! My personal fave part when flicking through was when he turned down AC Milan to come to Boro, what a legend!

Celebrity Fans, Art and the definition of 'Definitive'...

Huzzah, I was chuffed to discover on Monday night that I have acquired my first 'celebrity reader' of my blog.

After Sunderland's....what's the word....HUMILIATING 4-1 loss to the geordies, caretaker boss Kevin Ball was quoted by the Match of the Day cameras as saying 'life is all about memories and moments, and we had a chance to make some memories out there today...' or words to that effect.

Now then, regular readers of this fine part of webspace will recall my inane ramblings the day after Middlesbrough beat Basle 4-1....

'Life is as much about memories as it is the future that you look forward to...Last night, like this whole season, created so many memories. Of course there's good and bad, but every single one helps you grow and increases your belief in things that you hold dear.'

That conclusively proves that Kevin Ball lifted his line from my blog! What a cheeky bugger! I may email the club to thank him for supporting me.

Yesterday, my mum was telling me about a family friend who works at a home for artistic children where money is tight. I replied 'what do they need money for? Easles and paints?!'

It turns out she said they were actually autistic.

Like many other miserably bored souls, I spent my Monday night glued to the radio listening to the Chilis on Radio 1. I also caught the 'definitive' biography of the band narrated by Zane Lowe. Now then, forgive me if i'm wrong, but i don't particularly think that an hour-long documentary covering the entire life of a 25 year old band is definitive. Infact, it was shit...not enough Frusciante. He's a God. Look a big picture of him!...

Getting started on Myspace...

Here's a thought:

I've joined the biggest online community in the world, and my only friend is the band Fightstar.

Where is the justice in the world?

Probably the most sincere blogpost in the world...ever

People who read this blog often, and I know there's only about five of you, will know how usually i'm fairly eloquent and witty with my words. Today, I'm just dumbfounded.

Was it because last night's wonderous game was hidden away on ITV4, away from terrestrials who could sit and spur us on? Or is it because the result still rings in my head?

Sleeping was difficult last night, my head was buzzing. I'd been tired all day so going out was never going to be my way of burning off the stress and tension that my body went through. Instead I hoovered and cleaned the kitchen! I also bought every national newspaper (bar the Sport, I have standards) this morning just to make sure I remember every single second of that 90 minutes.

It's just a moment in football, a moment in your life, you can never forget. All the piss-taking, the attempts at defending MFC in dark hours and the stupidly bloody-minded belief has been worth it now. No more do I have to feel that my side is inferior to the big boys of Chelski and Man Utd or even NUFC, a side who still cling to a notion of being the best club in the North-East. No longer do I have to be disappointed about our league showing this year.

Life is as much about memories as it is the future that you look forward to. Nostalgia can be a bad thing, but every so often it shimmers and warms you heart like nothing else can. Last night, like this whole season, created so many memories. Of course there's good and bad, but every single one helps you grow and increases your belief in things that you hold dear.

I can wear the shirt with more pride than ever before now, as everyone who loves Middlesbrough can do. The Carling Cup doesn't compare to last night and I'm sure I'm not exaggerating. All the ups and downs of that past few years cannot take this feeling away from me.

And that my friends, is complete sincerity.

A True Story About Gloves

Picture the scene....

An empty Lincoln street with a woman strolling along pulling a case along the cobbled stones.

Behind her, a man in his 40s appears, running like a man possessed desperate to reach his target as quick as possible. He strides up to the woman with gloves in his hands and prepares his mouth for speech:

"Miss, miss! Did you drop these?" he says thrusting the gloves in the woman's face, expecting her to take them off him in thanks. Instead...

"No" She says bluntly and clearly.

She turns and walks away. The man, who looked like he was braving the possible oncoming of a cardiac arrest just to reach this woman with the gloves, stands there for a moment completely embarassed, then places the gloves on a bench and walks back from whence he came slowly.

The only thing worse than this embarassing experience for the man involved is that I was sat outside the front of Varsity watching the whole scene play out.

It was fucking hilariously funny and I've pissed my pants on several occasions when telling people of it. What a dickhead!

10 Urban Myths About Lee Cattermole...(made up by me)

1. He has nine fingers on his left hand

2. His bones are stainless steel

3. At primary school he used to break his teacher's legs when his felt tips ran out

4. He doesn't eat normal food, but the raw remains of dead lions

5. He can kill you with a stare

6. He taught George Boateng everything he knows...when he was 10

7. He only talks in cryptic whispers (eg. "would you put the washing machine across the field?")

8. He always reads this blog.

9. He breaks pint glasses over bouncers' heads 'for fun'.

10. He was found in a straw basket by the River Tees in 1989 by Steve Gibson, and given a trial on the spot.